Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Issue 8 - In Living Color Issue

This week's blog is an ode to one of the best TV shows ever – In Living Color, specifically the Men on Film skit. For all those kids born post 1986, In Living Color was the show everyone waited to watch every week to see pre-fame J Lo as a back-up dancer and Jim Carrey when he was actually funny.
P.S. How appropriate that bright colors are very in right now too!
watch In Living Color clip

Two snaps, a twist, and a kiss
AKA Going Up

Dry shampoo
Why we don't have aerosol dry shampoo in North America is beyond us. The Europeans figured this one out ages ago. Spray a little in your hair and you're ready to roll. Bumble & Bumble makes a dry shampoo but who wants to shell out $25 for that shit when you can rock up to Boots in the UK and grab a can for 2 quid. We've tried the Batiste brand amongst others. The packaging is slightly wack but it works fabulously. Importing this stuff is our latest billion-dollar business idea. Someone run with it.
more on Batiste shampoo

Buns n' bangs
When dry shampoo isn't cutting it.

Neon lipstick
Why should makeup look natural? This girl is straight ballin'. Her teddy bear vest ain't too shabby either. We borrowed this picture off the Cobrasnake. We think he'd be fine with it. We're supporting the cause.

Source: thecobrasnake.com

Another YNBF bon mot
Props to our BBF Michelle for this one. This week's phrase is "secret squirrel", which pertains to information hoarding. Example: "Why are you being so secret squirrel about where you bought your shoes?"

Pleated short shorts
The classy alternative to hot pants. Wear with opaque tights until it gets warm enough to go bare legs.

Source: lasfashionistas.blogspot.com

Grizzly man beards
What's hotter than a dude in full beard? It's a bold-faced disregard for hygiene and the concern of looking young and fresh faced. Surprisingly, US Weekly did a blurb a few weeks ago on how actors were showing up to Sundance with full beards. Apparently someone knows what's up over there. Gotta give cred when due.

Source: thrillist.com

Having a sister
Last week Em's big sister Viv waited outside the Anya Hindmarch store for 1.5 hours just to buy Em the highly coveted "I'm not a plastic bag". Viv, you rule!
more on Anya Hindmarch
more on Em's sister Viv

Big yellow t-shirts
Of the XL mens' variety and worn as a mini dress. Throw this on for a night out and distinguish yourself from the frilly halter top/skinny jean masses.

Em found this t-shirt at Value Village for 5 bucks

Love this look. Not sure what could say delusional 50s film star more succinctly. Also note that she is rockin' the balls-out color combo we mentioned last week: acid yellow + cobalt blue.

Source: thecobrasnake.com

White jazz shoes
BFF Michelle is planning to unscrew the tap plates off authentic white jazz shoes for everyday wear. If that isn't hardcore Spring/Summer '07 devotion, we don't know what is.

Please get these shoes Michelle!

Hated it!
AKA Going Down

Offensive perfume
A main offender in this category is "Angel" by Thierry Mugler. We can positively ID this shit a mile away. While under the vice-like grip of this noxious potion, one smells like a mix of tropical flowers and dirty snatch. The main perpetrators of these odors are 60 yr old cougars. Please take a bath, the air is offended.

Being a secret squirrel
One of our biggest pet peeves are people who hoard info. Sitting on shit is getting you nowhere. You might think it's justified, but when you find the fountain of youth, it's going to be lonely all by yourself.

Living in Canada
A place without Topshop, Barney's, or even a bloody Macy's. Consumer needs are not being met. Our pathetic business professor Art Pierce would have agreed - what could be sadder? Plus it's still snowing here. To quote our friend Matt "Being in Vancouver is like being in jail", which might seem a harsh but when the population of a large city is the same as the number of Arcade Fire members, he's got a point.

Eau de Value Village
There's a special smell that comes free of charge when you buy vintage clothing. Unlike Abercrombie who saturate their crappy polos and sweat fleece in perfume, this stench is a more organic, much like a bouquet of piss, sweat and old farts. After a decade of shopping at Value Village charity shops, Em's been forced to leave her bedroom window open for an entire month every spring. Man, it's hard to shake.

Madonna for H&M

Lily Allen
There's this singer from the UK. She's pretty good. She even designed a line of dresses for New Look. We like her even more after we realized she has *TEXT REMOVED*. Those protruding eyes are a dead giveaway. (I hope this doesn't get us kicked off MySpace – Em)


Thursday, March 22, 2007

Issue 7 - Block Party v. Crackhouse

Summer Block Party
AKA Going Up

Balls-out Color Combos
Acid yellow + cobalt blue = Spring '07

Public Libraries
A quiet, clean space to read, think and have a mental break. A rehab centre for non-celebrities if you will. The last time we were at the Seattle Public Library the homeless people were all over it. Homeless people always know what's up way ahead of the curve, predominantly because they don't subscribe to pesky social norms.

Having an opinion
We invite you to call us on our shit.
For instance, last week our BFF Hannah pointed out that quoting Cory Kennedy was SO two summers ago. Hannah actually lives in L.A. and we don't so we're going to defer to her on this one. Respect!

Thinking for yourself
We invite you to question things a bit further. Do you really like your Ugg boots or are you wearing them because Jessica Simpson told you to? A near fatal overdose of prescribed cool last weekend at Urban Outfitters pushed these thoughts to the forefront.

Ooga Booga
The store. It's in LA's china town. If you're in the City of Angeles, we suggest checking it out. When we were there last summer, they had an illustrated 'zine of Ludacris lyrics and were throwing parties on the third level of their outdoor strip mall location. Killer! Hannah can you vouch for us on this one?
more on Ooga Booga

Karen Walker
New Zealand designer. And no you can't get it in Canada. Check out her causal, practical hotness. How we would want to dress if we could access her designs. We'll be trying to put together some convincing renditions starting now.
more on Karen Walker

Reusable bags
Specifically the "I'm Not a Plastic Bag" canvas carrier bag by Anya Hindmarch at a cost of 5 pounds. This tote is already being sold on eBay for eighty times its retail price. 4,000 units are on sale at Anya Hindmarch's retail locations while 20,000 units will retail at Sainsbury supermarket with a limit of one per customer. Finally, caring about the environment looks cool.
the bag in question

We Are What We Do
Genius webs site that makes caring about your surroundings tangible and simple. Check out the Action Tracker that lists specific tasks you can complete and log to improve your environment. For instance, "Action 45" dares you to give your phone number to 5 of your neighbors and instruct them to contact you incase of emergency.

Keep shoes
Hot vegan shoes. Yes, we just said hot vegan shoes. We know you just got a mental picture of hippies and granolas wearing burlap slippers, but we kid you not this stuff is rad. Check out their lifestyle-driven web site. We're beginning to think we might actually be able to pull of this environmentally friendly thing and look good while doing…
more on Keep Shoes

Bonde Do Role
The would-be result of CSS and MIA humping.
more BDR

Raiding your parents' basement/attic
A treasure trove of Portobello Market-worthy finds all for free.

OTC Drugs
Similar to street drugs minus the shady dealer, crack pipe, and dodgy filler. These rather classy looking pills can even be taken while having dinner with unsuspecting co-workers. We're currently feeling Oxy Cotton. Atvian is a close second.

Neighbourhood Crackhouse
AKA Going Down

Our going down list is a bit weak this time round, it's hard to hate with Spring around the corner. Plus shit's just working out. Emmy got accepted into grad school for architecture(yay!) and Missy quit her 9-5 (which -trust us - is a good thing).

La Prairie Pure Gold Cellular Radiance
This face creme costs over $500 because it contains 24k gold. As David Cross would say "It's a giant FUCK YOU to poor people".

The Sunday Times advocating the Croyden face-lift
To break it down for our N. American readers, the Croyden face-lift is a moniker for the chav steeze of pulling one's hair back in a face tightening ponytail. We're confused as to why this is an issue now as this look has been holding it down in the barrios for an eternity.
the Times article

The age. To quote our dear friend Glenis: "I gotta go. I need to do something with my life. I'm hurtling towards 30. And so are you". If you're not currently hurtling towards 30, we urge you to take the afternoon off, lie in the grass, and thank God that you're still not expected to have your shit together just yet.

Never believing the hype
Avoiding something because it's too hyped is just as bad as blindly buying into hype. See above re: having an opinion.

Your ecological footprint
Sell the Hummer and walk.
Assess your footprint

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Issue 6 - Totally Excellent v. Bogus

Totally Excellent

Homemade Greeting Cards
Automatically reserve a special place on the mantle/bulletin board/cubical wall of our hearts.

Celebrity Soundbites
"I have no human feelings" – Karl Lagerfeld
"I've been asked to go back and, like, change my clothes. And brush my hair...And that's not happening. Because that's just not how I roll." - Cory Kennedy

The Teenagers' Homecoming song
"I fucked an American cunt"
more The Teenagers

Going-for-Broke Theme Parties
We are very impressed by reader Lois' Alice in Wonderland Mad Tea Party. Those pics of OTT cakes, cookies, costumes, and decorations make us wish we had thought of it first. Well played!
to see more pics

Steam Bath Houses
Our friend Jasmine goes to Hastings Steam & Sauna in Vancouver, while our friend Heidi goes to the Russian & Turkish on E 10th St. in NYC. Make like LL.Cool.J and Uma and let it all out, baby!!!
more on steam baths

Weekly Games Night
All the coolest people we know get together once a week to play Scrabble/Trivial Pursuit/Poker. You should do it too.

Glenis' MySpace profile
Check it out!
to Glenis

Tokyo Police Club
The fact that these guys are from Newmarket and aren't even legal yet makes their music even more unbelievably excellent.
more TPC

Expired ID
Is a good thing when you hate the picture. The 120 months until the dreaded driver's license with us looking morbidly obese is almost up. Only 6 months to go!

Bi-racial Children
Because they'll never have to dye their hair fuchsia in order to look interesting.


Getting Old
Waking up feeling like you've taken five hits of E when you've only had five beers.

Like smoking crack: addictive, unsocial, and only weirdos do it.

cK One re-launch
Welcome back to 1994. Kate Moss is still hot and the perfume still smells like garbage.

Daft Punk's Around the World
Just cuz nu rave is all the rage doesn't mean DJs get license to dig up crap they haven't pawned yet. In the past six months, we've actually heard this song played eight times at clubs/bars in THREE different cities.

Gap's "Khakis with Attitude" campaign
The only attitude that khakis have is the "I'm fucking minging" attitude.

The Row
Nine months of Olsen twin toil and we have a $600 wife-beater.


Monday, March 5, 2007

Issue 5 - Wank Fantasy v. Wankster

Wank Fantasy

Niyi Bucket Necklace
You have a fuckin' KFC BUCKET around your neck!!!

Friends who let you crash over
Thanks for putting up with us freaking out/puking up/passing out. In that order.

Fendi Color Block Purse
All of our favourite colours in one fabulous clutch.

Dries Van Noten's fall '07 collection
Utterly perfect.

Brogues and Creepers
The return of real shoes.

White Cube's Crossfire Exhibition
The only reason left to brave Shoreditch hipsters.
more on White Cube's Crossfire

Neon Eyeliner
Cuz black eyeliner isn't going to cut it this spring.

Kenzie Girl
So good we forgot it was Canadian. Plus it's cheap like a bogo at Payless.
more Kenzie Girl

Favourite Sons
Totally haunting voice.
more Favourite Sons

William Morris
"Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."

Dressing for Your Own Pleasure
Wear whatever makes you happy and people will totally respond. It's very reinforcing.


Fur Trimmed Hoods
Do you really need a ratty-ass squirrel hanging off your back collecting burrs and dead leaves?

Andre Leon Talley
For behaving like the Simon Cowell of styling and pressuring Jennifer Hudson into the ugliest Oscar ensemble recently.

We hate this word. Again, only people 60+ use this word.

The Use of Vowels
As in MSTRKRFT or BFF. Useless letters be gone! Plus it helps in the economics of texting.

Realness Obsession
People who can't handle wearing a knock-off bag because they scared of being found out. A fake designer bag is still a real fake designer bag. Would paying $3000 make it more legitimate or more ridiculous?

Prescribed Norms
Why do dykes have short hair? Why do gay guys wear lip gloss? Why do assholes wear long sleeves woven shirts to the bar on Friday night? Why do whores wear knee high boots? Why is everyone so fucking predictable?

This is supposed to be the MySpace of the fashion world. Emmy tells me it's really slow. I checked it out for a few minutes but then got weirded out as I fell into this alternate universe where everything is very pretty and everyone is a 26yr old Conde Nast fashion editor and Central St Martin grad. - Missy
more Iqons