Friday, June 22, 2007

Issue 13 Yippee-Ki-Yay Muthafucka



As some of you may know, Die Hard is one of my all-time favourite movies. From grade 5 to high school graduation, anytime I got sick and stayed at home, I would pop in my well-worn Die Hard cassette, huddle under a duvet with a glass of purple Kool-Aid, and be comforted by the soothing ratatat of AK-47s. The fourth Die Hard movie is out this week, but it looks real crap so let's have a barometer with the original 1988 line-up. - Em

John McClane
aka Going Up

This photo Missy took


Miss Lasko-Gross: Escape From "Special"

I haven't told Missy about this yet:

Mr. Furious and I were at a bookstore and saw this semi-autobiographical graphic novel about a troubled girl who’s always being told that she thinks too much. For those of you who know Missy, how uncanny is that? And don’t even get us started on the author’s name…

The Future Magazine
Ever since I used to read my big brother's, um, Big Brother magazines (the now defunct Larry Flint-published skate book, not some stupid mag about the reality TV show), I've had this mini-crush on Dave Carnie and his golden ratio of funny/repulsive/arse-y. So you can imagine how pleased I was when my brother told me about The Future Magazine, of which Mr. Carnie is editor-in-chief. Current features include a visit to Morrisey's house (under the pretense of buying the property.)

someecards.com

Props to Jennilee for this one. The only e-cards that actually make us laugh. Bookmark worthy. Check their website.

Hats with veils/netting
1. Ascot
2. Weddings
3. Disguises puffy hangover eyes at both of the above


Hans Gruber
aka Going Down

Gleavage
That's our word of the day for guy's cleavage, as seen at Armani's latest fashion show this week. Ugh, nearly as bad as guyliner. Unless you are a renegade NYC cop who's trying to save your wife from 40 terrorists in an LA skyscraper, you are not allowed to show gleavage.

Photo: Times UK

Fopp shuts shop
The saviour of last-minute birthday gifting, Fopp, announced this week that it's shutting shop. The independent British retailer of "simply priced" CDs, DVDs, and books will be sorely missed. Where are we supposed to meet up with our friends now?

SWAG let downs
Some of our friends who shall remain nameless flew all the way across the country to attend a VIP party for the opening of a new high-end department store similar to Saks/Selfridges and all they got in return was a PEN. We're not kidding.

Wearing flip flops in the city
Your feet look like dirty pig hooves.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Issue 12 - Be Kind, Rewind

With Missy away, I can't be assed to think of up/down themes anymore, so this is just a straight going up v. going down one. - Em

Going Up

Bringing back your VHS collection


While you've been waiting for My So-Called Life to come out on DVD, our new BF Jennilee has been secretly buying up VHS treasures like Detroit Rock City and Singles at her local dollar store. They're cheaper than Starbucks and if Jennilee is ever faced with someone forcing a Grey's Anatomy DVD box set on her, she can be all "Sorry, I only watch VHS."


Self-sufficiency

"I am my own muse" - Tom Ford
"I mow my own lawn" - Donny Osmond

Sweating
Sweating is the badge of a good time. If you're not sweating, you're not having enough fun. Jump the mosh pit, get under stage lights or rub against someone who IS sweating. It's all about looking like a newborn baby on other people's flickr accounts.


Oh Girl Talk, you trendsetter! Photo: Tina O/Jennilee

Marc Jacobs' rubber sandals
See above re: sweating.

The soundtrack to :20 Workout
eBay purchase of the day goes out to BFF Francis who scored the :20 Workout on vinyl, bringing back fond memories of the original legwarmers and spandex. Loving the hi-cut unitards. Download the pilot for free.

Plastic Little
"We been broke so long we like it!!!"
Listen to some Philly rap

Naoto Fukasawa
Prolific designer who can actually put "inventor" down as his profession (e.g. the CD player he designed for Muji is in New York's Museum of Modern Art permanent collection.) A monograph bearing his name will be published by Phaidon Press next week. If you're like us and can't afford the book, check out his website.





Going Down

Predictable celebrity couples

As in CSS's Lovefoxxx + Klaxons' Simon Taylor-Davis
photo: nme.com

As in Pete Wentz + Ashlee Simpson


photo: celebrity-gossip.net

Yawn. Wake us up when the PR's wet dream is over.


Jennifer Aniston for Smart Water

Our NYC-based BFF, Pari, told us the following anecdote last year:

"I was on the subway and saw a poster for that Break-Up movie with Jennifer Aniston. And someone had taken a big black marker and scribbled "NYC Bitch" on her face. It was hilarious."

So Pari, please keep us updated on the status of this poster:


Oversized leather handbags

Same reason why you shouldn't wear leather jacket/trouser/gloves in the summer. Switch to canvas or straw until Labour Day or risk looking more tired than Rachel Zoe's face.

Gwen Stefani

Drag queen + Cyndi Lauper+ Karaoke


Saturday, June 9, 2007

Issue 11 - Perez Hilton v. Paris Hilton

Issue 11 is a showdown between Perez Hilton , who is blowing up as the gossip queen of the world (Details calls him the fifth most influential man in the States) and Paris Hilton, who recently refused to eat her prison hot dog meal and considers lack of moisturizer a medical condition. Supposedly Perez and Paris are good friends but who doesn't secretly want to see a catfight between them?


Perez Hilton
aka Going UP

Hermoine Herring aka Louise
Our new BFF Louise is one of those people who is so on top of their game, they don't even realize it. While everyone's rocking the skinny coloured denims, Louise rocks up in pleated plisse engineering trousers like it ain't no thang. When we were in London, she deftly smuggled use into the Lily Allen for New Look launch party, complete with unlimited mojitos and live performance! How perfect considering we would never pay money, let alone be sober to see Lily (who admittedly was rather charming.)


Lily in the flesh.

Helvetica
Helevetica is the original quilted Chanel handbag of typefaces that got fucked over when the cheap, mass-produced Old Navy of a typeface, Arial, came along. Which is why we are looking forward to seeing Helvetica, a new documentary.



The Nordic Bakery
Lush, lush, lush cinnamon buns. Thank you to Swedish friends Sarah and Yoyo for the recommendation. The bakery's website (!) describes it perfectly "...uncompromising simplicity, craft, and use of natural materials or ingredients." Bonus, the bakery itself is beautifully designed, nach.



Straw visors





Unlike most fashion accessories these days, straw visors are actually useful. They block pesky sun rays, minimize the glare on a shiny face, and if paired with giant sunglasses you might get mistaken for a celebrity or an old Chinese lady -- surely either is a sign you've achieved the height of fashion.


Girl Talk quits his day job
"This is my last week of work. I never told my co-workers about my music life. It's hard to believe that they didn't find out about it by now, especially with coverage in newspapers that are delivered to their houses... "
read more from Girl Talk's blog about quitting his day job
listen to his music



Clip-on earrings

The natural successor to the now dead chandelier earrings. It's all about chunky, graphic, bejewelled shapes that would be otherwise too heavy for pierced earrings. Besides, clip-ons keep the lobes from stretching out - eeew.







Paris Hilton
aka Going Down


The maxi dress


We are baffled as to why this has been proclaimed the "it dress" of summer. Have you actually tried a maxi dress on? It makes fat people look pregnant, short people look like urchin midgets, and that much fabric on a tall person is just cruel. We'd rather wear a burlap sack. At least it won't get caught in the train door.



Lense-less eyewear

What are you, on the guestlist to BoomBox?



House of Holland

It was not too long ago when we praised Henry Holland for his fluorescent slogan t-shirts in issue two. A lot has happened since then -- wait -- actually not much has happened at all, we are just incredibly bored with him.