Thursday, April 5, 2007

Issue 9 - Pumped v. Girlie Men

This week's blog is dedicated to Arnold Schwarzenegger and Hanz and Franz. We're in the Golden State of California, cruising around LA in our H2 drinking organic vegetable juice smoothies and wearing matching Juicy tracksuits. We want to remind you that physical appearance is very important and to that end we've started taking steroids.
watch a Girlie Man clip

Reaching Full Pump-tential
AKA Going Up

CUPP (crumbling under peer pressure)
This nifty acronym comes to us from our BFF Michelle. Usage: "I totally cupped and joined Facebook. Now I can't get off it!"

Speaking of Facebook, we know it goes back a few years, but we just joined and are newly addicted. It's the heroin of virtual social networking. Much more intuitive to use than MySpace and no creepy spam. (FYI we've started a Facebook group called Your New Best Friend – all are welcome to join, even Fergie and Lily Allen).

Ciara "Like a Boy"
Totally digging the gender-bending styling in this video. It's very TLC circa 1996. Ciara had fierce ink drawn on her knuckles for the video and we're tempted to copy her.
peep the video

The London Times sensationalist headlines
"'Dump your children here' box to stop mothers killing their babies". It's the National Enquirer dressed up like a real newspaper.
read the article

Chloe Sevigny
This girl has been 'going up' for the past decade. She could wear a trash bag and still look hotter than the slew of boring Hollywood starlets littering the red carpet. We're referring to the Renee Zellwigers, Reese Witherspoons, and Emmy Rossums of the world. Having her hated on by every worst dress list only confirms that she doesn't pander to the masses. Chloe, we LOVE you!

Source: We borrowed this from Shh, don't tell…

Bon Vivant
A fabulous antique store with vintage decorative home accessories located in Palm Springs. Jonathan Adler recently flagged it as his favorite vintage store. When Missy was there, they had a charming white ceramic frog with a lattice back that was 2 feet tall and looked slightly sinister amid other gems.

Palm Springs Galleria
457 N. Palm Canyon Drive
Phone: 760.323.4576

Hip grannies
Who says you have to fall victim to ageist thinking? Common myths include that old people must sport roller set hairdos with a blue rinse, and wear pink polyester pants with matching sweater sets. We want her white glasses. She looks like she'd put up a fight though. Like Aaliyah said "age ain't nothing but a number".

Source: LA Times on line

Harlequin Romance novels
Fuck Chick Lit. We're actually proud to read this smut on the Tube. At least its not masquerading as relevant prose.

Get these for a buck at Value Village

Expensive lingerie
Not feeling 100% about your body? Drop $150+ on a bra and undies, we promise you'll feel instantly better. This is a category where fit is going to make a world of difference.

Girlie Men
AKA Going Down

Em reminded me that we already said her face looks like a hair scrunchie a few weeks ago, but she's irritating me again. About once a week I think about her and get really upset. I don't think there's anything particularly note worthily offensive that she's done lately other than be her Fergalicious self. YUCK! - Missy

Source:, Fergalicious dressed up as Rainbow Brite. So pretty!

Old Navy TV advert
Trying to market Old Navy merchandise is like trying to flog a kick in the balls. No one is going to buy that shit no matter how you dress it up.
watch the ad

Sucky second albums
Hey Bloc Party, Voxtrot, and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, why didn't you take the cue from DFA 1979 and disband after your one-hit first album? Notice how everyone has hastily removed you from their MySpace/Facebook "music" section?

Luxury "IT" bags
Like having a baby: heavy to lug around, you can never put it down, more expensive than you anticipated, and all your friends are sick of hearing about it.

This Louis Vuitton bag can be yours for $40,000.
No, really.

Star Jones
No matter how much weight she loses or how much plastic surgery she has, she still looks like a bobble head figurine. Something is very wrong here.

Star Jones
Source: Perez Hilton, we're stealing the stolen,
I think Perez added the alien antennas

Not keeping your word
Stop being full of shit and do what you say you're gonna do. Sounds like a tough skill to master but keep trying, it's crucial to being an adult. Trust us on this one.

Ice Cube
This dude used to rap about AK-47s and race riots. Now he fights Rick Moranis for movie roles.
Ice Cube when he was cool

No comments: