Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Issue 4 - A++ v. D-

A++

Cries for Help
Shave your head, get a Brazilian, forget your panties and drop the baby on its head.

Sociopaths
We're finding pathological lying handy in everyday situations. Trust the sage advice that our fashion school professor, John Freeman, once bestowed on us, "if you don't know about something, it's much easier to lie and figure it out later".

Freaking the Fuck Out
Being well-adjusted is boring. Going crazy on a bimonthly cycle keeps everyone on their toes.

Grammar Girl
If English is your first language, write like you know.
more Grammar Girl

Size 12+ Girls
While these girls binge on crisps and beer the night before, crazed Size 4s will be queuing up for the Kate Moss/ Topshop launch. 12+ gets to waltz in 8hrs later nonchalantly pulling their size off the rack. P.S. Proenza Schouler's Target line still has your size in stock too!

J Brand Bellbottoms
Ding dong! The grim reaper of skinny jeans has arrived.

Crying Club
Just like fight club but no one gets bloody.
more on crying clubs

Lotto and Lobo sneakers
This is actually our friends' idea. But it's the best idea ever. Imagine a sneaker store dedicated to low end sneakers but merchandised like Alife. Genius.

Expense Accounts
The only reason for getting a real job.

100 Percent
If it's not 100% don't bother.



D-

Traumatizing Beauty Procedures
Nothing is worse than picking up warts from your local Vietnamese nail shop.


Spike Jonze as Creative Director for VBS.tv
No wonder Sofia left you.


Rice Kings
Pervert AND racist.

"Funky"
Unless you're 60+ do not use this as an adjective.

J Brand Bellbottoms
Because Canadians never stopped wearing flared jeans.

Dyed Black Hair
The MisShapes already bought all the black hair dye.

Social MacGuyver-ing
As in being left in the middle of butt fuck nowhere and forced to make friends out of string and a paperclip. Or worse, a girl in a Billy Talent t-shirt.

People who don't pull their 50%
Know some useless knobs who aren't pulling their weight? See above comment re: 100 percent.

Being Fucked Over
You work like a dog and then they promote someone who couldn't negotiate their way out a cardboard box and wears American Eagle everyday. Fuck them!

Marc Jacobs' lame new look
Even our gay friends are complaining about this one. Marc Jacobs now looks like a gino.




ALL TEXT COPYRIGHT MISSY AND EM, YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND 2007
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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